Kids, Texting and Text Lingo

Are you concerned that your child’s thumbs might fall off as a result of sending too many text messages?  Well join the club. If your home is anything like mine than you’re seeing the number of text messages being sent and received by your child head steadily upwards.  The average American teen now sends or receives one text message every nine minutes!

Text messaging is no longer just another way to connect with one another; it has become a cultural phenomenon.  Parodies on television of teens and tweens texting to one another while in the same room are funny because we can all imagine our own children doing the same thing. We’re asked to text in our vote to American Idol.  Barak Obama won the White House, in part, because of his team’s ability to engage young voters via text messaging.  The Pew Internet & American Life Project recently confirmed what every parent with a teenager already knows – texting has become the preferred channel of basic communication between teens and tweens and their friends.

Text messaging, officially called Short Message Service (SMS), has grown in popularity with teens for three primary reasons:

  1. Texting is a more efficient and a faster way to communicate than a voice phone call,
  2. The cost of messaging plans has steadily declined,
  3. Sending a text message is similar to passing a note in class – it is a discreet method of communicating with friends.

For parents and educators, it is this last statement that represents a challenge.  Let’s start with the obvious.  Why did we pass notes in class when we were kids?  If we’re being honest with ourselves than we can acknowledge that we were communicating something that we either didn’t want others to hear or we shouldn’t have been communicating at that particular moment at all.  Passing notes in class was our attempt at convert communications.

Text messaging has many benefits, it is here to stay and most text messages our children send or receive represent perfecting acceptable content.  I have nothing against text messaging.  That said, this chart illustrates, a staggering percentage of our children admit to using text messaging inappropriately.

Perhaps even more alarming is what Local, State and Federal law enforcement is seeing as a skyrocketing trend.  Child predators are now increasingly using text messaging to communicate directly with our children often right under our noses. Predators are always going to go where the children are and the preferred method of communication by kids is text messaging.

Risks and threats to our kids’ well-being have been a part of life since the beginning of time.  But it is important for us to accept a very simple truth – texting messaging and kids can be a risky combination without active parental involvement.

Introduction to Text Lingo

While the smart phones are capable of sending long text messages, less advanced mobile phones can only accommodate messages of 160 characters. This limitation naturally led users to try to use the fewest number of characters possible to convey a comprehensible message.

To cut the character count of a text message, users often use abbreviations and ignore punctuation and traditional grammar. For words which have no common abbreviation, users commonly remove the vowels from a word, or use pictures or a single letter or number to represent whole words.  Eventually entire phrases were reduced to acronyms.  Today, text lingo (also known as SMS language, Textese, chatspeak, chat lingo or net lingo) is a commonly used and well understood language by most teens and, to a lesser degree, technology-savvy adults.

Most of us are familiar with the regular, more harmless codes like LOL (laughing out loud) and ttyl (talk to you later) and a few others here and there. But as I said, text lingo is an entire language and most parents don’t speak text lingo fluently.  This opens the door to much risk but understanding the risk is the first step in managing it.  Allow me to share a sample conversion with you:

Sample Text Lingo Conversation

Surprised?  Stunned?  As this conversation illustrates, text lingo is not only more efficient than writing out entire messages, it also makes it possible for some pretty troublesome conversations to take place right under our nose.  Kids and child predators alike are able to engage in conversations that few parents would be able to understand.  Text lingo has become so mainstream with kids that it is now used in email, on social networking websites and when chatting with instant messaging services like AIM® and Yahoo Messanger®.

Talking to Kids in a Language We All Understand

Whether we’re talking about text lingo, the traditional written word or picture our kids put online, the best tool at your disposal to decrease risky behavior is your active involvement.  The earlier we start talking to our children about the decisions they make online and with their mobile phone the better.  Our children need to understand what our expectations are and what we consider “out of bounds”.  Most children, teens included, say that their parents are the strongest influencers over the decisions they make.  Just because we don’t speak in text lingo doesn’t mean that we cannot talk to our child about using the language appropriately.

Text messaging and text lingo are going to be a part of our kids’ life long into the future just like social networking, having a bank account, using a credit card, driving a car, etc. With consistent guidance on text messaging and text lingo from mom and dad, you have every reason to expect that mistakes will be less frequent and less severe. ______________________________________________________________

Tim Woda is a passionate advocate for protecting children from today’s scariest digital dangers – cyberbullying, sexting and predators. He co-founded KidSafe, is the author of Keeping Kids Safe: A Guide for Parents of Social and Mobile Children and is a frequent public speaker on topics related to technology and child safety.

Copyright © 2009-2010 Tim Woda

Parenting Digital Kids is About to Get Easier

Digital Natives and Digital Immigrants

Today’s children represent the first generation to grow up entirely in a digital world. They have spent their entire lives using computers, video games, webcams, digital music players, mobile phones, instant messaging services and everything else the digital world has to offer.

Our kids are all “native speakers” of a digital language.  They are Digital Natives.

So what does that make this generation of parents?  Those of us who were not born into a digital world are, and always will be, Digital Immigrants. As immigrants, we are now in the process of learning a new language.  This makes parenting today more challenging than ever before.  After all, how often does the immigrant have the responsibility to teach the native how to stay safe and responsible in the native’s own land?

One thing that never changes is that kids are just as naive and reckless about risks as they have always been and they need parents to provide guidance and oversight.  Did you know:

  • More than 70% of teens talk to strangers online
  • More than 60% of teens have been asked to meet face-to-face by a stranger they met online
  • 1 in 7 kids are sexually solicited online every year
  • 1 in 3 kids are bullied online or with a mobile phone
  • 20% of teens admit to electronically sharing a nude photo of themselves with a friend or stranger
  • 40% of teens say they have had an uncomfortable situation online but never told an adult
  • And almost 50% of teens say their parents would not approve if their parents knew what they were really doing online and with their mobile phone.

Today’s parent is facing a unique set of parenting challenges.  A complete lack of transparency into what is going on in the Digital Natives’ land makes it near impossible to set and manage limits, instill self-discipline and personal responsibility and to help our children maintain balance.  That’s why I’m so excited about what we are doing at KidSafe.

KidSafe Makes Parenting A Little Easier

KidSafe is like a translator of the Digital Natives’ language, a GPS unit of their land and the phone bill that parents wish they had.  Like the technology that our kids are using to gain instant access to everything, KidSafe provides real-time visibility into your kid’s digital world.  Our goal has been to develop a simple to use technology that makes parenting in a digital world easier for a change.  We want and need your feedback however. Please visit www.kidsafe.me and request an invitation to participate in our private beta.

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Tim Woda is a passionate advocate for protecting children from today’s scariest digital dangers – cyberbullying, sexting and predators. He co-founded KidSafe, is the author of Keeping Kids Safe: A Guide for Parents of Social and Mobile Children and is a frequent public speaker on the topic.

Copyright © 2009 Tim Woda

Jonathan Dick, you won’t get your hands on my child!

Teacher indicted on new charges.

You’ll hear me say it again and again, you need to know who is sending text messages to your children and who they are interacting with on Social Networking sites like Facebook and MySpace.

A middle school teacher arrested for sending sexual text messages to a 15-year-old boy has been indicted on new charges

A middle school teacher arrested for sending sexual text messages to a 15-year-old boy has been indicted on new charges

This middle school teacher and lacrosse coach identified his victims on Facebook and then put his professional experience interacting with children to use by developing relationships with the kids and “grooming” them.   Grooming is the term authorities use to describe the how a predator will patiently and methodically work to warp the child’s mind.  Their goal of course is to cloud the child’s sense of right and wrong and/or exploit their naivety so that the sicko can harm the child in the sickest, most demented ways.  Once Jonathan Dick (the name of the indicted teacher) built the trust of  a child, he would start to interact with the child by mobile phone and text messages.  This is where he could work under the radar to try and “seal the deal” by pushing to meet with the child face to face.  According to a June 2009 study by Nielsen How Teens Use Media, the average teen sends and receives more than 2,800 text messages a month.  I know it is a huge task but parents need to know what is coming and going in their kids’ messages – assuming that protecting your child is more important to you than protecting their privacy.

Parents — you need to know who is interacting with your children on Social Networking sites and who is contacting your child on their mobile phone.  There are hundreds of thousands of these sickos out there so please don’t think that your child can not become a victim or the prey of another “Jonathan Dick”.  It can happen to anyone and the more a parent thinks it won’t happen to their family, the easier it is for the predators.

A reprint from the Washington Examiner…

Associated Press
07/30/09 11:50 PM EDT

BEL AIR, MD. — Harford County prosecutors say a middle school teacher arrested for sending sexual text messages to a 15-year-old boy has been indicted on new charges.

Forty-three-year-old Jonathan Dick of Bel Air was indicted Tuesday on 18 counts, including third-degree sex offense and sodomy.

Harford County State’s Attorney Joseph Cassilly says the indictment involves a 14-year-old boy and the alleged offenses occurred between March 2007 and April 2008.

Dick, a physical education teacher at Fallston Middle School, was charged in March with two counts of solicitation of a minor.

Cassilly says Dick remains held on bond.

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______________________________________________________________

Inspired by his own child’s encounter with an online predator, Tim Woda is a passionate advocate for protecting children from today’s scariest digital dangers – predators, sexting and cyberbullying.  Co-founder of KidSafe.me, developer of the world’s only Parental Intelligence System which helps parents keep their social and mobile kids safe, he raises awareness of these issues and shares his experience with parents through Internet & Mobile Safety Workshops hosted by schools, churches and other organizations.

Copyright © 2009 Tim Woda

Technology Has Changed. Kids Haven’t.

At the end of my last post I suggested that parents take stock of the digital devices that their children have at their disposal. Now that you know just how “wired” your children are, let’s talk about how they are using technology.

As parents we often think of the use of technology as either going online or going offline.  This doesn’t apply to our children who are growing up with technology weaved into every aspect of their lives.  Our kids ARE online – constantly wired to the digital world.  Nuance?  Not really.

An Avatar

An Avatar

Kids are doing the things that kids have always done – they’re just doing them online.  Kids have always passed notes, now they’re doing it through text messages from their mobile phones.  Instead of buying albums or CDs, they’re downloading music from iTunes.  Kids have replaced board games with a gaming console or a handheld gaming device like a Nintendo DS.  When we were kids we kept a journal and today’s youth have blogs and websites like Facebook and MySpace.  I used to dress up my G.I. Joe and my sister dressed up Barbie.  Now kids are dressing up their online characters called avatars.  So kids themselves haven’t really changed that much.

Another important similarity to previous generations – kids are just as naive about risks and just as reckless as they have always been. Let’s face it, even the mellowest of us lacked the same sense of self-preservation as kids that the adults in our lives had. Kids have always made poorer choices than responsible adults. Dr. David Walsh, president of the National Institute on Media and the Family puts it this way, “The part of their brain that puts the brakes on things is under major construction”.

Kids are creating web content today

Web 2.0 enables kids to create web content

While kids haven’t changed that much, technology is changing quickly.  This makes it difficult for parents who see the world as either “going online” or “going offline” to keep up with our digital kids. Kids are not just using technology and consuming online content, they are now creating it. Posting pictures online at Photobucket, videos on YouTube, sharing opinions on Facebook. These are all examples of what’s called Web 2.0 – user generated content.

Web 2.0 gives kids more choices – greater opportunity for both good and bad choices.  What should they post online?  Who should they be interacting with?  Let’s look at just some of the online decisions that are too common among kids.

  • Sharing passwords with friends
  • Posting personal information on chat boards or social networking sites
  • Befriending unknown people simply because their online profile reflects similar interests (remember the lessons we all learned about talking to strangers?)
  • Embarrassing or harassing other kids (kids used to get relief from a bully when they went home.  Not anymore!)
  • Talking about sex, sometimes with “Friends” they have never actually met or seen.

Right about now, you might be saying to yourself, “I’ve spoken to my child and they know they shouldn’t do these things. I’m pretty confident my child is making the right choices.” A few cyber safety studies suggest you might be only half correct.

John Walsh

John Walsh

A Cox Communication study conducted in partnership with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children and “America’s Most Wanted” Host John Walsh illustrates the point well. 59% of the teens say that posting personal information or photos on public blogs or social networking sites is unsafe. That being said, 62% of the same kids say that they post photos of themselves, 50% share their age, 45% share the school they attend and 41% share the city they live in. And here’s the kicker…a whopping 14% (that’s 1 in 7) post their cell phone number on public blogs or social networking sites!

How about sexting (x-rated rated text messaging)? You might be saying, “I know my kids wouldn’t be involved with this insanity because I’ve talked to my child and she knows sexting is inappropriate!” The most widely quoted study on sexting is from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. According to the study, 1 in 5 teens say they have sent or posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves even though 75% of the offending kids said they knew sexting was “wrong”.

Most parents are talking to their kids about what choices to make online and kids are getting the message.  Despite this fact, kids continue to do what kids have always done – they disregard the lessons from parents and make poor choices anyway.  Talking to your kids and teaching them right from wrong is critical. Trying to keep an open dialogue with them never goes out of style.  But parental oversight is more important than ever.

  • Who is your child IMing, texting, emailing?
  • What pictures/videos are they’re posting online or sending from their phone?
  • Is their social networking profile marked Private or is it visible to literally anyone?
  • What websites and chatrooms do they frequent?
  • Who are your child’s social networking “Friends”?

This isn’t a question about privacy.  This is a question of parental involvement.  By definition parental oversight means that there are limits to the amount of privacy kids have.  As parents we have an obligation to know the answers to these questions and to stay up-to-date as our children’s activities and sphere of influence evolves.  Simply talking to our kids about right and wrong isn’t enough.  Kids need oversight, especially in a Web 2.0 world.  When we were kids we weren’t always thrilled with our parents’ desire to be involved or informed either.  Remember all the questions they asked us when we went out on a Friday night?  Remember how dad wanted to meet your friends?  For most of us, our parents asked the questions and engaged whether we liked it or not.  Technology has changed but kids haven’t and neither should parents.
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______________________________________________________________

Inspired by his own child’s encounter with an online predator, Tim Woda is a passionate advocate for protecting children from today’s scariest digital dangers – predators, sexting and cyberbullying.  Co-founder of KidSafe.me, developer of the world’s only Parental Intelligence System which helps parents keep their social and mobile kids safe, he raises awareness of these issues and shares his experience with parents through Internet & Mobile Safety Workshops hosted by schools, churches and other organizations.

Copyright © 2009 Tim Woda

Are Your Kids Building An Army of Webkinz?

Are your kids building an army of Webkinz?

Are your kids building an army of Webkinz?

Being online doesn’t just refer to the computer located in your kitchen.  Kids access the Internet from laptops, mobile phones, gaming consoles and handheld gaming devices.  Are you worried your teen will have arthritic thumbs from texting so much?  Are your little ones slowly building an army of Webkinz?  If this sounds like your child, let’s talk.

Obviously the digital world has a ton of benefits to our children but you may be concerned about what they’re doing in the world of bits and bytes and what decisions they’re making.  If you’re not concerned, I hope that you are at least curious.  Most of us don’t fully understand some aspect of the technology that our kids are using whether it is MMS, webcams, social networking, PictoChat, or IM/SMS lingo.  The good news is that you can become more familiar with technology and you can learn about the issues that affect your kids online. These issues include cyberbullying, revealing too much and predators. Bullying existed long before the Internet. Kids have always been more naive and more reckless than adults and sick, demented child predators are not a new phenomenon.  The difference is that while today’s digital world has many advantages, it also helps to cloak these treats in the shadows and the opportunity for them to go unchecked by a trusted adult is much greater.

Sexual predators use technology and websites that attract kids including chatrooms, social networking sites and gaming sites. If a website or technology attracts children, it also attracts sexual predators – period.  Sexual predators are hunting which means they go where their prey is. They often camouflage themselves and they are cunning and dangerous. Predators make contact with children and work hard to develop friendship, emotional reliance, and eventually interest in sexual topics. He or she may initiate offline relations quickly or spend months “grooming” the child to counter the child’s good instincts and the safety lessons you’re teaching your kids.  Needless to say, they’re experts at fly under the radar.  They use tactics such as moving the dialogue to websites parents wouldn’t instinctively find threatening such as a gaming website or to a mobile phone and text messaging.  The ultimate goal in many cases is to convince the child to meet face-to-face.

So there’s a lot here and I’m not going to try and tackle it all in one post but I’m not going anywhere.  I’ll dive deep into all of the things we trusted adults can and should be doing to make our kid’s digital world as fun and safe as possible.  Subscribe to this blog for some practical tips or follow me on Twitter.

A good place to start until my next post however is to take an inventory of your home’s technology.  What technology do your kids use or have access to that is wired to the rest of the world via the Internet or telephone network?  Not sure?  Well assume that if it is electronic that it can probably connect to some sort of network and then use Google or ask your kids about it.  You may learn more than you think from them and your kids will probably revel in the opportunity to show you how much they know.

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Inspired by his own child’s encounter with an online predator, Tim Woda is a passionate advocate for protecting children from today’s scariest digital dangers – predators, sexting and cyberbullying.  Co-founder of KidSafe.me, developer of the world’s only Parental Intelligence System which helps parents keep their social and mobile kids safe, he raises awareness of these issues and shares his experience with parents through Internet & Mobile Safety Workshops hosted by schools, churches and other organizations.

Copyright © 2009 Tim Woda

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